Being Gay in the 21st Century Our mind the sexual engine

We as a modern society in the western world like to place people in box's. This gives us a sense of belonging to a group, defining who we are and what we are. We will go as far as acting a certain way around certain social groups to ensure we gain expectance. While this may work well with race, gender, occupation. economic status. religious belief ( to a certain extent) It falls horribly short, and apart when it comes to sexuality and our sexual life's. Though we do tend to try to fit people into a sexual definition box, it really isn't that easy or straight forth.

Thus in truth sexuality is more of a continuum line, which we all move up and down through out the stages of our life's. how we think of our and other peoples sexuality and sexual practises are based on our own knowledge, what we think and are told as a society, and our own personal experiences. It is by these three main factors we judge ourselfs and others.

For some their view is as limited as anyone that has sexual intercourse that is other than the missionary position is viewed and judged as sexually perverted.

What we may have considered sexually ok in our youth we no longer consider at a more mature age, and visa versa. What we would have said flat out no to as part of our sexual intercorse, we later do or try. For the simple reason of the person we are with either just in a sexual relationship or in a loving long term relationship. and more importantly based on our trust in that person.

Understanding how we develop sexually is in part one key to understanding the more complex issues of such common things as

He can't be gay he has a wife and children, He can't be gay because he has a girlfriend. He doesn't come across as being gay. What do you mean you didn't know you were gay ?, till age ( place age here)

then there's the

I can't be Gay because I like....

I can't be gay because I am not like .....

I simply feel normal in a dress, or painties

I'm a man traped in the wrong body / trapped in a female body

I'm a woman and I have the wrong body/ trapped in a male body

The first stage of ones sexuality what turns us on and what doesn't is all in the mind. Yet how this happens is very complex and not fully understood yet. the argument of Nature v.s Nurture is still highly debated. Having said that, it has been found that just as we have a body gender that of male or female our brain also has a gender of male or female, and then there's the stages in between these polar opposites. though being transgendered or being a cross dresser doesn't mean it is a sexual turn on , it is more ca case of a variant of ones sexual identity. This is most evident in male sexuality and the wide and varied forms of male sexuality and Idenity found in society because of the changes that males undergo in development and growth both physically and mentally within the womb itself. All of which are a bit to complex to go in depth here and now.

Suffice to say if you ask yourself or others what turns them on and why the most common reply will be, I know this turns me on, but I do not fully know why it turns me on. or I can't really explain why it turns me on.

The fact is we are mentally aroused about things long before our body follows our thoughts through physical action.

There are three main group's of men / young men/ young teens.

the first two are dealing with sexual identity and what we identify with most sexually.

The man trapped in a woman's body, of all the cases I know of, the male is most often found that from the youngest age they have always felt out of place, unnatural in their body gender. and seek to alter it to their brain gender.

the second is cross dressing, where the male identifies with female attire and is most comfortable in, this can be a part of their sexual arousal process. Yet it can also be nothing to do with their personal sexual arousal process.

It is through self discovery and masturbation that the beginning of action and thought are coupled.

The first group are those that find the male or female or both body genders sexually arousing, or an aspect of the body or person they are attracted to and that sexually arouses them, yet they do not know what our how they would have sexual intercourse. Seeing an aspect of the body or the full body itself in ones imagination is enough to be sexually aroused and reach orgasm. this also includes how male and females begin to develop a fetish or sexual identification.

In this Case there is little difference in the basic mechanics between a developing heterosexual male and a developing homosexual male.

Then there is the more mentally mature and are those that find the male or female or both body genders sexually arousing, or an aspect of the body or person they are attracted to and that sexually arouses them that have an idea or urge of what sexual intercourse is. this second group are more often to reach their sexual awareness at a much younger age. though the sexual expectance of themselves may come later in life or never. this sexual excpetance of ones self includes fetishes and other sexually arousing behavior that is considered out side the normal.

This is also where there is a large difference in the sexual devoplment of a young heterosexual oriented male and a homosexual or bi sexual male.

It is also around the age of thirteen ( if it has not come up before) that to be gay or bisexual is to be abnormal, to be different and most of all will cause rejection from not only ones, piers but society itself at all levels. This is when the male learns to do all he can to hide his thoughts and emotions. For some to the extent that they bury such thoughts and feelings, to the point they can not longer recognize them for what they are. It is also the point where the male either becomes closed off and withdraws away becoming more and more a loaner and withdraws into himself, Or swings into everything he is taught to be mainly and masculine and become an over achiever in sports and other masculine pursuits. It is also the point where some males will get into fights out of self loathing, To distance themselves from the internal battle that rages within, often striking out at those he perceives to be what he most fears. It is known that 90 % of all gay bashing is committed by males who are insecure in their own sexuality. the other ten percent are made up from commonly children who were or are victims in some shape or form of sexual abuse.

The third group which in many ways is most common, is the group that simply learns to hide what they are, they also become very good at sports and other academe. and Once more do al they can to avoid any any superstition of their sexual orientation though not through violet acts or means. they just ensure they blend in and appear as societies definition of normal as much as they possible can.

Our fourth group is those that know they are different do not really fit in, are always the last to be picked for sport , seem to just naturally get on with the girls rather than the boys in school, yet haven’t a clue why and have no reference by which to gage their behaviour or their thoughts.

the fifth group is those that are for no known rythm or reason effeminate in their speech and or body langue and are the easy targets of gay bashes and bullies.

All of the above groups are in the high risk category for suicide. Some of which will succeed. A percentage of those successful will never have let on even in a suicide note to those that loved and cared for and about them the real truth and reason why they simply wished to end their life's because they could no longer live with the unbearable conflict they raged within.

The key really comes down to looking within being honest with yourself and learning to except yourself with all your personalty traits. which is no easy task for any of us, yet by learning about ourselves and with the right knowledge and understanding the basic principles of our sexuality what ever that may be, is one positive step in excepting ourselves for ourselves